johnvertisement.

a change in reality occurred in the 203rd decade in which "marketing" via "john" began to exist. this was retroactively neologized into "johnvertisement".

what's different about johnvertisement is that instead of harvesting the soul of those involved via crude and invasive strategies, it is done remotely and automatically. as such, no monetary exchanges occur in the process of johnvertisement; the value gained by soul extraction covers all relevant costs.

johnvertisement is now in use by a certain number of people and is an X billion dollar industry, where X is a real number within the range 0-65535. there is a wide variety of johnvertisements in existence.

the identity of john has been discovered. it is confidential information.

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2331

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2324

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1897

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1881

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1633

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1589

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1577

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1427

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1413

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1369

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1357

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1305

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1270

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1254

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1231

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1189

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959

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927

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602

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598

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598

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515

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510

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472

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468

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436

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432

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424

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417

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413

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409

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408

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404

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403

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402

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396

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393

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391

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389

to be delisted, send a request to stuff@mondecitronne.com

how to add johnvertisements to a webpage

it is recommended that one inserts johnvertisements onto all webpages within their control. luckily, it is easy to do.

paste the "embed" into the HTML of all webpages:

<iframe src="https://john.citrons.xyz/embed?ref=example.com" style="margin-left:auto;display:block;margin-right:auto;max-width:732px;width:100%;height:94px;border:none;"></iframe>

replace "example.com" with the actual domain name of your website.

how to johnvertise

it is recommended that those sentient create johnvertisements. luckily, it is easy to do.

send an email to stuff@mondecitronne.com. please include the following:

the image which comprises your advertisement
(optional) a URL to direct those who click upon it

HOWEVER: there are various stipulations. these stipulations must be honored by the submitter in order to have their johnvertisement deployed.

stipulations (MANDATORY)

the image should be 722x84, be in a common image format, contain no malware, and be less than 500KB.
the image should be merited on its own, regardless of the content it links to.
the ad and the content it links to should break 0 laws (unless such laws violate human rights)
the ad should not be morally reprehensible
the ad should not contain earthly (or martian) capitalism
if you are to use an animated image format, the animated image should not contain rapid flashing
you should be able to legally show the advertisement to a child
you should be able to morally show the advertisement to a child
the advertisement should not depict or condone heterosexuality
the advertisement should not depict a hand with 8 fingers
the advertisement should not depict nasal demons in a positive manner

submissions violatory of these stipulations will be rejected unconditionally. do not submit such advertisements. submissions may also be rejected for any arbitrary reason, regardless of the stipulations; however, this has not yet occurred.

please attach the image to the email, rather than sending a link. please name the image file something other than "johnvertisement.png", "john.png", "ad.png", or otherwise.

note that gmail tends to place my emails, even replies, in spam folders. check there if you do not see my reply, which will likely occur within a few days. (this response time is not guaranteed)

I am not john. do not call me john.